Just a little clutch to hide away your money, credit cards, lipstick, and fashion sense

Double your pleasure, double your fun with… two identical embroidered birds on your purse.

This was most likely designed by a young fashionista – and by young I mean eleven or younger – who had not yet read that memo women get about trying one trend at a time. This budding young designer opted for:

  1. fringe
  2. ‘ethnic’ style emroidery
  3. ribbons
  4. and pom poms on the zipper pull

I have no idea how she didn’t figure out how to work in a few sequins. I suppose then that would limit your options for using this bag. Sequins just scream out evening, and clearly this is daytime clutch. I like to assume that if it was meant for evening she would of embroidered some owls on there.

But as it stands this pocketbook was embroidered with some sort of mythical bird. Which means this might be the perfect solution to carrying your things while wearing a pair of pocketless unicorn pants.

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Is that a unicorn horn in your pocket?

Oh wait, no that horn is on your pocket. Or would be, if these pants had pockets. Which they don’t because you wouldn’t want to break up the design and, you know, ruin the look.

If you run sideways it looks like the lower half of you is majestically striding along the sidewalk. Or that you’re every bit as high as you were when you thought, “Hey unicorn pants! Those go with everything!!”

 

Amazingly, these pants were only $32, so I came very close to purchasing them. But then I thought someone might see me buying these unicorn pants, which made me laugh out loud in the store so I had to leave in a hurry. But, if I change my mind I’m willing to bet that at least one of the three pairs of unicorn pants are still there.

Reduce. Reuse. Regurgitate.

Breakfast Club Dolly 2

Please note that the author/sweater girl, much to her dismay, is not Goth Dolly Parton.

Finally, an answer to the question “What would Dolly Parton wear if she went Goth?”

This sweater is not just a head-scratching combination of country music bling and teenage gothy rebellion, this thing is a whole body scratching combination of many different dead animals. Or an incredible example of letting no scrap of pelt – or rhinestone – go to waste.

How many animals were harmed in this production? (Vegans, now might be a good time to look away.)

IMG_6313

The care on the reverse reads as follows: Place in bag and give to Goodwill.

The Mrs. Roper Maternity Collection

Poorly Photoshopped Head

Please note that the author is not really Audra Lindley.

 

No, I am not pregnant in this photo. Oddly, I didn’t want to be photographed in this psychedelic loungewear during my pregnancy, partly out of self-respect and partly out of wanting to protect my unborn child from the polyester fumes. I still didn’t want to be photographed in this, nor does anyone, ever.

Then why do I still own this trippy little number that Amy gave me to celebrate my knocked-up-ed-ness? Theme parties. If someone throws a seventies party I am going, and I am going to be soooooo comfortable while all those other women are in go-go boots and miniskirts.