Why use a stork when you can use these?!

Night of the Aves - coming to a home decor store near you!

“Squawk! Polly wants a human sacrifice!”

I think the flamingo would have been perfect for Amy’s birthday. And the rooster would have been the perfect gift to celebrate the birth of her son last month.  But, alas, I could not afford to spend $210 ($80 for the flamingo, $130 for the rooster in case you were wondering) plus whatever it would cost to ship these exceptional pieces of artwork to her home.

Please note that the artist clearly went with not just a whimsical color palette for the rooster, but also had a ‘more is more’ approach to size. The terrifyingly large birds are to scale, but the rooster stands about five feet tall. The flamingo would top that if not posed with the neck down.

 

 

A Not So Pretty Pair

These beautiful pictures speak to me, they say you are a honky white person stuck in the 1960’s.  The embroidery is impressive, but what I really like are the random carpet extras that were incorporated into the headdress of the Indian chief.  However, I also appreciate the cotton batting on both pictures. If I were to ever get a nosebleed, I would have plenty of batting to stuff my nose with.

But, the truth is, my favorite part of the entire gift is the trash bag the pictures came in.  I will certainly get more use out of it than I will this ugly pictures.  My neighborhood is having a neighborhood wide yard sale this weekend, while I am too embarrassed to sell these, I will put them out for free.  Maybe I will hook up a webcam and see what wackjob picks up these ugly pictures.

My favorite part of the git.

My favorite part of the gift.

Words fail me. I’m awed by the horribleness.

No longer content to merely spend their evenings playing poker and drinking out of the toilet, these four dogs have formed a militia hellbent on taking over the world.

Eagle-eyed as I am, I am always on the look out for terrible pieces of crap to give to Amy. But sometimes tacky just walks up and smacks you.

I’m usually prepared for these moments. In fact, I seek these moments out. If the thrift store has a section of ‘knick knacks’ I am going to sort through that pile of ugly. I will try to find ugly housewares. My real weakness in this game is my unwillingness to sift through bad art. There’s just too many generic photos of the Eiffel Tower to sort through. And I’d feel bad if something that I bought as bad art turned out to be some kid’s 8th grade collage that he needed to complete in order to graduate from junior high.

But then there was this. I was buying a bookshelf in a real furniture store when I spied these four paintings in a living room vignette. These were for sale. And they were over $150. A piece. I’m talking a $600 price tag for four paintings. Of dogs… in British-inspired fancy-dress/military uniforms. WTF.

I repeat, WTF.  

Nothing says ‘God save the Queen’ quite like a schnauzer dressed to kill. Literally.