“Squawk! Polly wants a human sacrifice!”
I think the flamingo would have been perfect for Amy’s birthday. And the rooster would have been the perfect gift to celebrate the birth of her son last month. But, alas, I could not afford to spend $210 ($80 for the flamingo, $130 for the rooster in case you were wondering) plus whatever it would cost to ship these exceptional pieces of artwork to her home.
Please note that the artist clearly went with not just a whimsical color palette for the rooster, but also had a ‘more is more’ approach to size. The terrifyingly large birds are to scale, but the rooster stands about five feet tall. The flamingo would top that if not posed with the neck down.
Oh wait, no that horn is on your pocket. Or would be, if these pants had pockets. Which they don’t because you wouldn’t want to break up the design and, you know, ruin the look.
If you run sideways it looks like the lower half of you is majestically striding along the sidewalk. Or that you’re every bit as high as you were when you thought, “Hey unicorn pants! Those go with everything!!”
Amazingly, these pants were only $32, so I came very close to purchasing them. But then I thought someone might see me buying these unicorn pants, which made me laugh out loud in the store so I had to leave in a hurry. But, if I change my mind I’m willing to bet that at least one of the three pairs of unicorn pants are still there.
No longer content to merely spend their evenings playing poker and drinking out of the toilet, these four dogs have formed a militia hellbent on taking over the world.
Eagle-eyed as I am, I am always on the look out for terrible pieces of crap to give to Amy. But sometimes tacky just walks up and smacks you.
I’m usually prepared for these moments. In fact, I seek these moments out. If the thrift store has a section of ‘knick knacks’ I am going to sort through that pile of ugly. I will try to find ugly housewares. My real weakness in this game is my unwillingness to sift through bad art. There’s just too many generic photos of the Eiffel Tower to sort through. And I’d feel bad if something that I bought as bad art turned out to be some kid’s 8th grade collage that he needed to complete in order to graduate from junior high.
But then there was this. I was buying a bookshelf in a real furniture store when I spied these four paintings in a living room vignette. These were for sale. And they were over $150. A piece. I’m talking a $600 price tag for four paintings. Of dogs… in British-inspired fancy-dress/military uniforms. WTF.
I repeat, WTF.
Nothing says ‘God save the Queen’ quite like a schnauzer dressed to kill. Literally.