Tippi Hedren Called. She Wants Her Teapot Back.

Help! Help! Giant pink and white birds
are attacking the castle!

I take my tea with a squeeze of lemon, a little sugar, and unfortunately for this teapot, a smidge of dignity.

Many moons ago – okay, years – I got married. Amy was my Maid of Honor. A duty she very obviously took to heart. Not only did she consent to wear a light purple dress of my choosing (with matching shawl!) but she found, purchased, and beautifully presented this gift to me. In front of all the other bridesmaids.

Bridesmaids, mind you, who did not know about our passion for bad gifting.

The collective breath holding followed by plastered on fake smiles was priceless. I could practically see profanity-laden thought bubbles appear above their heads. When I responded with a genuine “This. Is. Perfect!” My other ‘smaids were unsure if I was the best actress ever or waaaay tackier than they knew.

Thankfully my mom chimed in with an “Oh, they know this is ugly.”

On the bright side I suppose I could construe this to mean that my husband and I are supposed to live happily ever after. At least until we drown in the boiling tea filling up our castle.

But now that the lovely story of its origin is out of the way, let’s dissect the tackiness that is this piece o’ crap.

  1. There is a tree bent by some force of nature crashing into the castle.
  2. The same storm seems to have ripped a turret astray.
  3. The paint is really uneven.
  4. Last, but certainly not least, the birds perched on the lid are the same size as the turret roofs.

And to think that most people have to wait until their 20th anniversary to receive fine china.

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