Help! Help! Giant pink and white birds
are attacking the castle!
I take my tea with a squeeze of lemon, a little sugar, and unfortunately for this teapot, a smidge of dignity.
Many moons ago – okay, years – I got married. Amy was my Maid of Honor. A duty she very obviously took to heart. Not only did she consent to wear a light purple dress of my choosing (with matching shawl!) but she found, purchased, and beautifully presented this gift to me. In front of all the other bridesmaids.
Bridesmaids, mind you, who did not know about our passion for bad gifting.
The collective breath holding followed by plastered on fake smiles was priceless. I could practically see profanity-laden thought bubbles appear above their heads. When I responded with a genuine “This. Is. Perfect!” My other ‘smaids were unsure if I was the best actress ever or waaaay tackier than they knew.
Thankfully my mom chimed in with an “Oh, they know this is ugly.”
On the bright side I suppose I could construe this to mean that my husband and I are supposed to live happily ever after. At least until we drown in the boiling tea filling up our castle.
But now that the lovely story of its origin is out of the way, let’s dissect the tackiness that is this piece o’ crap.
- There is a tree bent by some force of nature crashing into the castle.
- The same storm seems to have ripped a turret astray.
- The paint is really uneven.
- Last, but certainly not least, the birds perched on the lid are the same size as the turret roofs.
And to think that most people have to wait until their 20th anniversary to receive fine china.
Such unnaturally blond hair, and WIDE eyes.
Such attention to detail, every flower in the basket behind her is painted.
The clock works. It keeps perfect time. But, this lovely little gift that I received for my birthday is about a year older than me. Conveniently the artist included the date in her signature. Yes, this piece of crap is signed. I’m sure in the mid-seventies this Holly Hobbie knock-off was the most awesome thing in some little girl’s room. The purple dress and bonnet even have a subtle sheen.
But what really creeps me out is the wide-eyed stare of Molly Mobbie. I keep expecting this ceramic resident of the village of the damned to solve a puzzle box and grow up overnight.
Needless to say she resides in my closet… until she can be set free at my local Goodwill. Then she can go live in another damned village.
Egg-themed decor is no longer the exclusive domain of long-dead Russian czars.
- The crafter really shouldn’t have stopped at just breaking this into two pieces.
Easter is supposed to be one of the classy holidays. You wear your Easter bonnet. Spring has sprung and everyone wants to celebrate outside. There are adorable bunnies, and cute baskets, and beautiful hand-dyed Easter eggs.
And then there’s this.
Not content to simply be bit tacky and poorly crafted, this egg is actually sharp on the unfinished edges. I can practically hear a mean old lady yelling at her grandkids at Easter lunch, “C’mon over here and grab some of this thirty-year-old ribbon candy out of the egg dish! Hey, hey stop bleeding on my plastic-covered couch!”
While we have shared many gifts over the years, we can now look forward to sharing these “beautiful” gifts with the world. I hope you “love” these gifts as much as we do.
what a “lovely” vase
A note from the giver: So. Very. Shiny!!!
I love how the lampshade is slightly off kilter, plus who wouldn’t want a beaded lamp
A note from the gift giver: What immediately attracted me to this find, from a Goodwill store in Alexandria, VA was that it was obvious that someone painstakingly beaded this entire thing, only to realize they screwed up the shade. Oh, and that the lamp is hideous. After all the effort to design and craft this, they were left with this monstrosity that can only take a chandelier bulb. So not only is it ugly, it is barely functional.